I've never held feelings for this long.
it's been months since I've cried hard because of feeling alone.
it's been months since I felt really alone.
it's been months since I've told someone about you.
never talked about you since then.
never tried to talked about you again since then.
no one knows how heavy it feels.
i wanted no one to know because i never thought it would come to this.
a heavy feeling. the feeling of distance. the feeling that I am out of place.
the feeling of being left behind.
since then, I've felt I've been chasing people.
chasing everyone. trying to tie everyone beside me so they would never leave like you did and I would never feel alone. the chasing feeling never stopped. or so i thought.
I stopped chasing. I stopped. I just stopped and let things be.
I stopped so I could what you wanted me to do. to let things be. to let you be.
and I did. I wandered away without knowing. now I'm thinking, maybe I wandered too far, or maybe it took you so long.
I don't know what to say.. I don't know what to do.. I don't know how to act in front of you..
now, the heavy feeling has come back again.. but It's not because of the same feelings.. but because of the feeling that I already lost you..
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